Toilet training is one of those parenting milestones that sounds simple, until you’re in it.

For many families, it’s not a straight line. It’s progress, pauses, regressions, and small moments that don’t always look like success from the outside, but feel enormous when you’re living them.

This is especially true for children with sensory sensitivities, developmental differences, or anxiety around change.

Toilet Training: The Short Answer

Toilet training works best when it’s calm, pressure-free, and based on readiness, not age. Children with sensory sensitivities may take longer to feel comfortable, and that’s normal. Praise and encouragement support learning, while punishment and pressure do not.

Research shows that focusing on positive reinforcement — like praise and encouragement — helps children repeat desired behaviours and builds confidence while avoiding the stress that punishment can create.[1]. 

There is no perfect time to start toilet training,  the right time is when your child and family are ready. Health experts also note that toilet training readiness varies widely and should be based on developmental signs rather than age alone [2]. 

As Olivia, Continence Nurse at Children’s Nursing Queensland, explains, celebrating small steps and staying calm helps children feel safe enough to learn at their own pace.

This blog explores what supportive, realistic toilet training looks like — particularly for children with sensory needs — and why timing, calm responses, and encouragement matter far more than charts, deadlines, or discipline.

Watch: Calm, Pressure-Free Toilet Training Advice
Hearing reassurance directly from a continence nurse can make all the difference. In this short video, Olivia, Continence Nurse at Children’s Nursing Queensland, explains why calm, pressure-free toilet training works — especially for children with sensory needs.

 

Why Toilet Training Is Harder Than It Looks

Toilet training asks a lot from children, all at once.

They’re expected to:

• Recognise internal body signals
• Stop what they’re doing at the right moment
• Navigate unfamiliar environments
• Tolerate new sensations
• Manage adult expectations

That’s a big developmental load.

As Olivia puts it simply:“Toilet training is tricky. Toilet training with sensory issues is even trickier.”

When a child resists or avoids the toilet, it’s rarely about stubbornness. More often, it’s about discomfort, uncertainty, or feeling overwhelmed.

Does Punishment Work for Toilet Training?

No — and research and clinical experience both support this.

“Punishment doesn’t work. Disappointment doesn’t work,” says Olivia. “They want to hear your praise. That’s how the magic happens.”

Why punishment backfires

Punishment can:

• Increase anxiety
• Reduce body awareness
• Create shame around accidents
• Delay learning

Toilet training is a learning process, not a behaviour problem. Children don’t have accidents on purpose — their bodies are still figuring things out.

Why praise helps

Praise:

• Builds confidence
• Encourages repetition
• Keeps the experience emotionally safe
• Helps children feel supported, not judged

And praise doesn’t require perfection.

What Counts as a ‘Win’ in Toilet Training?

In toilet training, wins don’t have to look dramatic.

Small wins include:

• Sitting on the toilet (even fully clothed)
• Walking into the bathroom willingly
• Telling you after they’ve done a wee
• Keeping pants dry for a short outing
• Trying again after an accident

These moments matter. “Every little win is a massive win in toilet training,” Olivia reminds families.

Recognising progress — even when it’s subtle — helps children feel capable and motivated.

How Sensory Issues Can Affect Toilet Training

For some children, bathrooms are neutral spaces. For others, they’re sensory minefields.

Common challenges include:

• Loud or echoing rooms
• The sound of flushing
• Cold toilet seats
• Strong cleaning smells
• Clothing changes
• The sensation of wiping

Avoidance is often a sign of discomfort, not defiance.

What can help

Supportive sensory issue strategies may include:

• Letting the child leave before flushing
• Using a familiar toilet seat or insert
• Allowing socks or preferred clothing to stay on
• Practising bathroom time with no expectation to use the toilet
• Using visuals or predictable routines

Progress may be slow — and that’s okay.

When Is the Best Time to Start Toilet Training?

One of the most common questions parents ask is when they should begin.

Here’s the reassurance many families need:

“There’s no special time this has to be done — and you’re not going to miss your window,” says Olivia.

Readiness isn’t about age alone

Readiness includes:

• Emotional regulation
• Communication (verbal or non‑verbal)
• Body awareness
• Tolerance for new environments
• Family capacity and stress levels

Or, as Olivia sums it up: “The best time to start toilet training is when you, your child, and your family are ready to go.”

The In‑Between Stage: Learning Without Pressure

Toilet training isn’t a switch — it’s a transition.

Many children move through a long in‑between phase where they’re learning but still having accidents.

“For those in‑between times — when they’re transitioning out of continence aids and into undies — it’s great to use a pull‑up‑like undies,” Olivia explains.

Why this stage matters

Supportive products can:

• Catch bladder leaks
• Reduce stress
• Prevent embarrassment
• Allow kids to stay involved in daily life

They’re not a setback — they’re a bridge.

What Should You Do When "Accidents" Happen?

Bladder leaks are part of learning.

How adults respond in these moments matters more than the accident itself.

“The most important thing to remember is to stay calm, to be encouraging, and to take your time,” says Olivia.

Calm responses help children feel safe enough to keep trying.

Simple responses might sound like:

• “That’s okay. Let’s clean up together.”
• “Your body is still learning.”
• “We’ll try again next time.”

When Should You Seek Extra Support?

If toilet training feels unusually slow, stressful, or concerning, support is available.

“If you feel like it’s taking a really, really, really long time — or you’re worried — feel free to have a chat to your GP,” Olivia advises.

A GP or continence professional can:

• Check for medical factors
• Offer tailored strategies
• Provide reassurance about what’s typical

Seeking support is not a failure — it’s part of caring well.

Final Thoughts

Toilet training is not a race. It’s a process built on trust, safety, and confidence — and those grow best without pressure.

If progress feels slow, you’re not behind. If your child needs more time, that’s okay.

As Olivia gently reminds families:“Slow, steady, calm. You’ve got this.”